


Kurt Hummel and the Adventures of Berlioz, or You Can Never Tell Who's A Cat Person

by rdm_ation



Category: Glee
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Kitten, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-09
Updated: 2012-03-09
Packaged: 2017-11-01 16:23:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/358878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rdm_ation/pseuds/rdm_ation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when you throw an adorable kitten into the mix at an ND summer party? This, I would think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kurt Hummel and the Adventures of Berlioz, or You Can Never Tell Who's A Cat Person

**Author's Note:**

  * For [adi_rotynd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/adi_rotynd/gifts).



> So, this is up much, much later than I thought it was going to be. I've had it finished for ages, but then life happened and beta-ing got lost. I wrote it as a birthday present for Adi, ie tamakito, my beta - and so then I suggested waiting for someone else to beta it and present it to her as the finished product. She would have none of that once I told her the concept, and so I waited for her reaction. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY ADI
> 
> For those interested, the songs that they sing are [here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPUJIbXN0WY) and [here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LroABeeh99E&ob=av2n).

_ Well, this is it _ . Kurt thinks to himself as he scans the living room one last time for anything breakable.  _The calm before the storm_. The majority of New Directions will be arriving in a few short minutes, and he wants to be prepared for the onslaught. He’s still surprised at how many of them agreed to come to his short-notice-but-still-impeccably-planned indoor picnic to celebrate the start of summer. Finn, naturally, is always around when there is food to be eaten, which, now he thinks about it, goes for Puck as well. With Puck comes Lauren, who complains all the time about hanging around with  _all you morons_  but Kurt just knows it’s all for show. Brittany is utterly enchanted by the idea of Kurt’s  _fancy tea-set_  and the possibility of fairy-cakes. She doesn’t quite understand why Santana finds that particular choice of food so amusing. Kurt still doesn’t understand those two, actually. Tina and Mike had needed very little convincing – one week without school and they were already sick of being at home with their families. The picnic was Rachel and Mercedes’ idea in the first place. Artie’s promise to come was a surprise; Kurt’s never quite sure if they are friends or not. In fact, Sam and Quinn are the only two that can’t make it.  
  
Blaine’s already there, helping him set up, of course.  _Like that was ever in question._  
  
‘I hope I’m not going to regret this,’ he mutters, ducking back upstairs to wait with Blaine for everyone to arrive. He’ll let Finn answer the door.  
  
The instant he walks into his room he stops short. Blaine is sitting precisely where Kurt left him 15 minutes ago, cross-legged on the bed and reading some book or other that he was raving about – Kurt hadn’t paid much attention to the title. This, however, is not what he’s reacting to. There is what appears to be a tiny ball of charcoal-grey fur curled up on his laptop.  
  
‘Blaine, why is there a cat on my computer?’  
  
‘Hmm?’ Blaine asks, looking blearily up from his book. ‘There are lots of cats on the internet, Kurt’  
  
Kurt glares at him before saying calmly, ‘No, there is an honest-to-god, real live kitten curled up on my computer.’  
  
‘Aww isn’t it adorable!’ Blaine drops his book on the bed and rushes over to pick up the kitten, cradling it close to his chest. ‘Look at that, it’s purring. It likes me.’  
  
‘Yes, yes, it’s cute but where did it come from? I’ve never owned a cat in my life. And Blaine? It was quite content sitting on my laptop too you know.’  
  
Kurt shakes his head at how ridiculous Blaine gets around animals, especially small, fluffy animals, and wracks his brain for ideas about how this kitten ended up in his room.  
  
‘What are we going to do with you, little guy?’ Blaine coos, totally absorbed in his newest charge.  
  
Kurt pulls a face. ‘We can’t leave him up here, he’s calm now but I am not leaving a thing with claws anywhere near my wardrobe.’  
  
The doorbell rings, and they can hear the rising volume of chatter from downstairs – New Directions have arrived.  
  
‘Bring it downstairs, Brittany at least will love the poor thing to death. Then we’ll figure out where it came from.’  
  
Blaine follows Kurt out the door, his focus still on the bundle of fur in his arms.  
  
‘It’s a boy, Kurt.’  
  
‘Of course you’d check. Of course.’ Kurt says in fond exasperation.  
  
Kurt isn’t wrong about Brittany. Everyone is there by the time they actually get downstairs, and she bounds over as soon as she spots the kitten.  
  
‘You found Berlioz!’ she exclaims, clapping her hands.  
  
‘Berlioz? As in the composer?’ Blaine asks, looking thoroughly perplexed at Brittany’s choice of name.  
  
‘Britt, I thought you were telling me your Mom said no more animals after Lord Tubbington. Why do you have another kitten?’ Kurt asks.  
  
‘I found him on the side of the road and he looked so sad I had to save him, Kurt. But you’re right, she did say no more animals, so I brought him here. I knew you wouldn’t mind!’ she says in a rush.  
  
With that, she takes Berlioz out of Blaine’s hands and over to Santana and uses his paw to tap her on the nose. She tries not to smile, but it’s clear to everyone in the room that Santana will never be able to resist two sets of eyes pleading for love. Not when they belong to Brittany and an adorable fluff-ball.  
  
Meanwhile, Kurt still has no idea how Brittany managed to get him into his house without anyone noticing.  
  
He looks at Blaine and shrugs. At least, for the time being, he won’t have to worry about the kitten – he’s pretty sure Brittany won’t let him out of her sight for a while.  
  
‘Finn! Can you come help Blaine and I bring out the food?’ Kurt yells over the ever-increasing noise that follows New Directions everywhere. He thinks they may as well get this picnic underway.  
  
\--  
  
Over the course of the next hour, Kurt learns several new things about his friends.  
  
Mike and Tina gush like no-one else when faced with a cute pet. Except maybe Blaine, but he already expected that. Kurt’s pretty sure he hears Mike actually miaow at one point.  
  
Wherever Berlioz is, (yes, the name stuck) Finn is not. In fact, Finn is quite often on the other side of the room. When Kurt asks why, he mutters something unconvincing about allergies. Kurt suspects the real reason has something to do with Finn’s inability to coordinate his movements, and that he’s afraid he’ll misstep and crush the poor thing. Which, now he thinks about it, is actually pretty sweet.  
  
Rachel’s ranting is apparently as annoying to kittens as it is to everyone else. Which, to be fair, was not an entirely unexpected outcome due to sheer volume and amount of chatter alone. Berlioz won’t go anywhere near her.  
  
Artie is apparently terrified of cats. Or at least, he’s terrified of this one – Kurt sees Berlioz try to attack his wheelchair and thinks it’s adorable. Apparently Artie does not agree. Much to Kurt’s amusement, Puck is the one who comes to Artie’s rescue as the black ball of fur tries to claw his way up onto the chair.  
  
Puck, apparently, is the sappiest cat person  _ever_. And he has Blaine, Mike and Tina in the same room to compare to. Berlioz looks even tinier cuddled up against Puck’s bulk.  
  
‘Guys, it’s  _just a cat_ ’ becomes Mercedes’ catch-cry, which is met by dirty looks from the majority of the people in the room every time she repeats it.  
  
Lauren really likes to pretend to hate things. Kurt is positive he caught the envious look she shoots at Puck when Berlioz starts purring as he strokes behind his ears.  
  
Kurt finds himself sitting next to Mike when he sees Brittany grab Berlioz and sits down at the piano. As she starts humming to herself, and pseudo-talking to him, she puts him on the keys and appears to be trying to encourgae him to play.  
  
Kurt points this out to Mike, who inexplicably starts chuckling quietly.  
  
‘What in the world is she doing with that poor kitten?’ Kurt asks. He’s so confused.  
  
Mike bites his lip to stop himself from laughing louder as he Brittany’s singing increases in volume, and starts using her hands to manoeuvre Berlioz’s paws onto random keys and pressing.  
  
‘ _Berlioz_ ’ he whispers, ‘ _that’s_  where she got the name from. Did you ever watch the movie  _The Aristocats_ as a kid? With the kittens who get kidnapped and then rescued by an alley cat.’  
  
‘I think I must have, it sounds kind of familiar...’ he trails off, trying to remember.  
  
‘The black kitten’s name was Berlioz, and he played piano. They all sang, of course. Do mi so do do so mi do’ he sings into Kurt’s ear.  
  
Kurt suddenly remembers. ‘Yes! I did watch that movie. Oh, Britt. We should probably go rescue Berlioz.’  
  
‘Yeah, before she decides to go off in search of paint.’ Mike adds, still struggling to contain his amusement.  
  
‘Brittany? I don’t think Berlioz likes the piano. Can you bring him here?’ Kurt calls out.  
  
‘But he has to, that’s why I named him Berlioz.’ She pouts, still trying to make him play.  
  
Mike walks over, and gently takes the kitten off the piano. ‘You don’t want him to get fur all over Kurt’s piano, do you? Think how hard that would be to clean off.’  
  
‘Oh, yeah’ she says, quietly. ‘Sorry Kurt’  
  
‘It’s okay, just let’s leave him alone for a while. He’s tired, can you see?’  
  
‘I know! I’ll go cuddle with Santana and he can sleep on my lap!’ she exclaims, pleased with her new plan. She claps her hands, and motions for Mike to follow her. At Kurt’s raised eyebrow, Mike just shrugs and complies.  
  
Meanwhile, the volume in the room has reached almost ear-splitting levels, and Kurt decides that they all need to leave Berlioz alone for a while – he’s even struggling against Mike, and if he has a problem with Mike, well, they all need to back off.  
He makes his way over to Blaine and pulls him away from Rachel –  _and isn’t that the story of his life?_  
  
‘We need to distract everyone from the cat, I think he’s going to snap any minute and tear something to shreds.’ Kurt says.  
  
Blaine laughs. ‘You pretend like you’re only worried about him damaging anything in your house, but I think you’ve fallen in love with him just as much as the rest of us.’  
  
‘Shut up.’ Kurt says, without any real venom.  
  
Blaine just grins. ‘I have the perfect idea.’  
  
‘Oh?’ Kurt arches an eyebrow.  
  
‘Mhmm. Can I take out the vocal stream of my iPod using your stereo system?’ Blaine asks.  
  
Kurt nods. ‘It’s pretty simple, I can show you. What are you thinking?’  
  
‘It’s New Directions. This plan involves me embarrassing myself and karaoke. It can’t fail.’ Blaine says.  
  
‘My boyfriend is a genius.’ Kurt says, unable to keep the grin off his face.  
  
‘Thank you, thank you.’ He mock-bows, and Kurt swats at his arm. ‘I have the perfect song.’  
  
Kurt takes a minute to set up the sound system, while Blaine finds the song he’s looking for. As soon as it starts playing, Kurt freezes.  _Oh no he’s not_  he thinks.  _Oh god I never should have told him about my soft spot for this song._  
  
Blaine starts singing, and Kurt feels his face flush just a little.  
  
 _You’re a falling star, You’re the getaway car,  
You’re the line in the sand when I go too far_  
  
Blaine is singing directly at Kurt, and dancing in his own free,  _particular_  style.  
  
 _And you play it coy, but it’s kinda cute  
When you smile at me you know exactly what you do_  
  
Blaine smirks at him, and Kurt plays along – biting his lip the way he knows drives Blaine crazy. Oh, he knows alright. His face is bright red by now, knowing that Blaine means every word of this song.  
  
As he keeps singing, Blaine pulls him up to dance – twirling him around and pulling him close in equal measure. They can do this, here. Slowly, everyone else joins in.  _Success._  
  
 _‘Cause you’re my everything._  
  
This ridiculous boy is his. Sometimes he still can’t quite believe it.  
  
Blaine punctuates the end of the song by kissing Kurt’s cheek, whispering ‘I love you’ after he does so.  
  
As the music finishes, Kurt pulls away and raises his hand. ‘I reserve right of reply’ he yells out before anyone else can start singing.  _Two can play this game_  he thinks.  _I have the perfect song too._  
  
He presses play and the intro music blasts through his house. He catches Rachel’s eye, winks, and then looks at Blaine and waits for him to register what he’s singing.  _This is going to be fun._  
  
 _What’s the time? Well it’s gotta be close to midnight.  
My body’s talking to me, it says time for danger_  
  
He stares at Blaine, smirking, throughout the first few lines, and is pleased to notice that Blaine has suddenly become very interested in Kurt’s jeans. Thankfully he chose a pair that has some stretch in them to wear today. He runs his hands up his legs, through his hair, and over his torso as he sings.  
  
He plays it up. He’s long since realised that yes, Blaine does find him sexy – the whole debacle surrounding ‘Animal’ having been left behind for good – and he uses that to his advantage. Blaine is openly staring at him, not bothering to try to hide the look of pure desire on his face. The feeling isn’t necessarily a new one, but this is in front of their friends and he’s certainly not complaining about how powerful it makes him feel.  
  
 _I wanna put on a tight skirt, and flirt, with a stranger_  
  
 _Oh, hell, why not?_  he thinks. Instead of pulling Blaine over like he was planning, he beckons Mike over by curling one finger inwards. Much to Kurt’s amusement, Mike plays right along, dancing behind him with his hands on Kurt’s hips; following his movements perfectly. Kurt keeps his eyes on Blaine, and breaks away from Mike when he sees Tina approaching them.  
  
 _Take me out, tonight._  
  
He nearly loses his composure when Rachel produces a dollar bill and waves it at him. He suppresses his laughter as he makes a show of sliding it into his back pocket, before pulling Blaine towards him.  
  
 _Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight_  
  
As soon as he finishes singing, Blaine practically attacks his mouth. Which is precisely the reaction it provoked the time Blaine had walked in on him singing along to his Rent soundtrack. They both lose the rest of the room for a minute, but are rudely brought back to reality by the catcalls and the whooping. _Oh yeah, everyone’s still here. Right._  
  
‘Okay, um, someone else can sing something now,’ Kurt mumbles, burying his face in Blaine’s shoulder.  
  
‘By all means, continue, boys,’ Santana says from somewhere to Kurt’s right. ‘I was enjoying the show.’ She smirks.  
  
Thankfully, Rachel has chosen a song and is singing her heart out, so Kurt pulls Blaine over into the corner of the room.  
  
‘Well, your plan certainly worked. I do believe everyone has forgotten about Berlioz.’ Kurt says, laughing.  
  
‘Um, Kurt, where is he?’ Blaine asks. ‘That’s probably a key detail we seem to have missed.’  
  
They both start looking around the room, trying to catch a glimpse of grey fur.  
  
 _Oh no._  
  
‘We have to find him before Brittany, at least, notices he’s missing,’ Kurt says, keeping his voice well out of earshot of the rest of the group.  
  
‘You realise that if we disappear right now they’re all going to assume we’ve gone up to your room to make out, right?’ Blaine asks. ‘Not that I would complain were that actually the case, but…’ he trails off.  
  
Kurt smirks, and kisses him briefly before retorting, ‘Well, that’s a sacrifice we’ll have to make, I suppose.’ He’s still rather proud of himself for his little performance.  
  
‘Now, where could he have gotten to? I’ll go back up to my room, see if he’s anywhere in there, can you go and check the laundry? Behind the washing machine or dryer or anywhere. Or in them, for that matter,’ he adds.  
  
Blaine nods and walks off in the direction of the laundry.  
  
Kurt decides to look in the kitchen before he goes upstairs, scanning all around him, on the counters, between the stove and the cupboards,  _in_  the ones that are open. When there is no sign of Berlioz, he makes his way up to his room. He looks in his wardrobe, behind his desk, underneath the pile of pillows and blankets on his bed.  
  
Nothing.  
  
Finn’s room is next on his agenda, a thought that quite frankly terrifies him. Sure enough, Finn’s room is complete and utter chaos, clothing strewn across the floor, school books scattered around the place, bed messy and unmade. Plenty of hiding places for a kitten.  
  
‘Hey Berlioz! Come out if you’re in here, will you? I really don’t want to have to dig through all of this stuff to find you. Here, kitty,’ he coos. ‘Don’t you dare tell anyone I was talking to you like this though, hmm.’  
  
‘I knew you’d fallen in love with him. I’d be jealous, except it’s too adorable.’ Blaine had somehow snuck up to the doorway without Kurt noticing. He closes the door, and hugs Kurt from behind.  
  
‘I just didn’t want to have to wade through Finn’s mess. His dirty clothes are everywhere!’ Kurt huffs, but he knows Blaine won’t buy it.  
  
‘It’s probably time we go and enlist everyone else’s help.’ Blaine says. ‘We can ask Finn to search his own room. Should I go look in your Dad and Carole’s room?’  
  
‘Sure. I’ll go down and tell everyone.’  
  
As soon as he walks into the living room again Brittany pounces on him. ‘Berlioz is lost and probably sad and I can’t find him anywhere in here.’  
  
‘I know, sweetie, we’re looking for him. Can you get everyone to help? Maybe some people can look around outside – he can’t be far. He’ll be okay I promise,’ Kurt says, as reassuringly as he can.  
  
‘Guys! Berlioz seems to have vanished, can everyone help look for him? Tina, Mike, Mercedes, could you see if he’s out in the street nearby? Everyone else can help us comb the house properly,’ he yells over the music.  
  
They all move off, and Kurt grabs Finn and asks him to look in his room. ‘I swear I do not know how you live in that mess.’  
  
Soon enough, he hears a shout of ‘We found him!’ coming from his front door. Kurt hurries downstairs, relieved that Berlioz had been found but utterly confused as to where he could have been that he’d been missed when he’d walked past earlier.  
  
‘I think we need a camera or something,’ Tina says, laughing. ‘Look where he ended up!’ She has one combat boot back on, and points at the other one. Sure enough, Kurt can just make out a ball of charcoal fur curled up in the bottom. He shakes his head.  
  
‘Now that we’ve found him, we should probably work out what to  _do_  with him. Brittany will want to keep him, but her mom has made it pretty clear that that’s not an option.  
  
‘Besides,’ Tina says, ‘we don’t need another Lord Tubbington on our hands.’  
  
‘Puck seemed to adore him, d’you think he’d want to keep him? I’d offer to take him on but there is no way my parents would agree to that. And I know Tina’s mom’s allergic, so that’s out.’ Mike says, shrugging.  
  
Blaine chooses this moment to join the conversation. ‘Aww, Kurt, I thought you were all set to adopt him.’  
  
‘I never said that.’  
  
‘You don’t have to, I can see your brain churning. Why don’t you just call your dad and ask? Finn will have to stop being so afraid to move around him, though,’ he laughs.  
  
‘He is really cute...’ Kurt trails off, and bends over to scoop Berlioz out of Tina’s boot.  
  
‘Here’s your phone’ Blaine says, swapping his phone for the kitten.  
  
‘Anyone would think you just wanted to be able to see him all the time.’  
  
Blaine pauses and looks a little sheepish. ‘Maybe.’  
  
Kurt chuckles. ‘I’ll call him now. You all can go relax in the living room again, if you’d like.’ Mike, Tina and Mercedes leave to round everyone up. They’ll all have to head home soon.  
  
He hits his dad’s number, and he answers quickly – as always.  
  
‘Dad, hi. I have a question for you. Long story short, Brittany picked up a stray kitten on the way here and can’t keep it-  
  
‘Well, yes. He’s really cute. I promise that I’ll feed him and look after him, you won’t have to do a thing.’  
  
Kurt bites his lip. ‘Apart from pay for vet bills and food and- okay, Dad I get it. I will look after him, and I won’t complain about cat hair all over my clothes.’ He pulls a face. ‘Thanks Dad. Bye.’  
  
He smiles at Blaine, who’s still standing next to him. ‘I guess he’s mine.’  
  
Blaine grins.  
  
‘Oh, don’t dare you say a word.’


End file.
